3/7 3:21 am woke up thinking about a man I met and how after I said something wishing him luck about the girl he was having dinner with, he made it where I cannot see his Facebook (although that may not be the case at all but she was so excited about it she had posted something on his Facebook but then never explained how good their dinner was). It makes me curious why people put things on Facebook and then don't like when someone says anything about it because this also happened with my ex-fiance who apparently wanted to get back together after he called it off.
Awesome, this is the perfect segue into what I wanted to write about later on today... Living vicariously through others. Since I have been blessed with a gift of life after a near-death experience, things have to be done differently. I can hear people saying well that's only because you want things to be different, but quite the contrary. (Side note it is now later and I am somewhat proofreading this and adding information to complete the story). If you took away certain abilities you may think life wouldn't be different, but it is. I have been told this by people who had something taken away but only for a limited time. The story that comes to mind is Bid. She had to give up her car for a little bit and that was enough for her to get a taste of my new life. I already hear people saying well it's been over 20 years it's not new (I hear these things because I have been told them), and you are completely right, but this (true) story is new to some people.
A person really has to live in this situation, and apparently, when it happens only a little while, it helps a person realize how different life has to be. I have also had random strangers come on to me when I'm sitting in my wheelchair at Starbucks empathizing because they had surgery and aren't able to walk for a time period. To all those people who have come up to me and mentioned something saying they empathize with me, I totally appreciate that! I am crying happy tears writing this because people have been expressing that they know that their situation is nothing compared to my life change but their honest recognition is huge. I totally didn't mean for this writing to go here but I am finally wearing the gift! I have my wheelchair at Starbucks because I can't drive so I drive my wheelchair. I had to use the restroom and Maria S saw me when I got up from my wheelchair and offered to help me in anyway she could. There's something about the sincerity of people who have faced death, had their life changed, or even those who have a disabled friend/family member that makes them recognizable, sometimes. Maria has experienced something I would consider far worse but is an amazing survivor. She shared part of her story that day and we connected. She made me these sunning green earrings and sent them to me-- she was actually just passing through the day we met, talk about a DEVINE APPOINTMENT!!!
I don't like to whine about things but it's not easy however I think I have a pretty awesome life! I can barely mention the truth without thinking "Kimi, get over it!" You may wonder what brought this up. After wonderful things are happening in my mom's life and I was able to vicariously experience the excitement of Baristas getting hired at Starbucks, I realized that this life is pretty awesome--seriously. I enjoy experiencing the excitement with others because it honestly fills me with excitement like it was my own, and my understanding that is what a vicariously means.
I had recently been told by family, a random person at Starbucks, someone out of the blue, and even my distant neighbor that I seem to be an empath. Not knowing what that meant, after her description that didn't seem like me but I think it is me more than I realize. It is so unfortunate that so many people don't know how to handle a person like me. When I try to celebrate good things that are happening in their life with them, just because it was decided that God had better things for each of us, me being excited for them is not okay. I am so thankful for the amazing people that I have crossed paths with that have no problem with me being excited for them after our paths went different ways. It has been absolutely wonderful to share in the blessings R and K and precious little M! (Oh my goodness I started out with one story and now it's a completely different train of thought, but I am leaving it because someone might struggle and my honesty how about difficulties I shall on Facebook is proving to pay off! As I was writing this a friend and I started talking and she said
"That must have taken forever! But it is so relatable for me with my own disability. I look up to you for your sunny disposition considering all you have gone through! I on the other hand am far too cynical and depressed. So I will continue to live vicariously through you! Lol"
Oh my goodness! I am so thankful that I was just told that because that means this really is my job! You guys have no clue how many friends I've made and people I talk to at my office that describe how they either don't know why they wanted to talk to me or they saw God in me. Writing this makes me feel so wonderful about the people who have disabled communication, praise God for removing people that can't handle my (sometimes somewhat distorted) way of shining God's light!
I can see how some people think that it only makes me feel better and put others down, I'm not putting others down I'm just explaining exactly what happens. If you could please explain how I'm putting others down let me know. This is just an absolutely wonderful epiphany in the middle of the night. Well, it was the middle of the night but now it's early in the morning. God blesses me with wonderful ideas when all the noise of the world has shut out. This might be changed or updated when I'm more awake and I'm on my computer. I am so excited because I was just talking to bed about writing and I was explaining how it just comes. And for her birthday I got a present the gift of a writing topic! Thanks for the encouragement! 4:46am
ADDED after researching a little bit I am so excited to be reminded that mirror neurons are the contributing factor for this excitement. When I was in college and then first learned about this type of neuron I didn't know it was such an important part of my brain injury recovery. But here it is over 15 years later and my job is getting those neurons to fire! Oh my goodness I am so excited, how am I expected to fall back to sleep now?
7/24 just woke up and found out that this was a draft that had never been published. I haven't even proof read it or anything I'm just going to publish it so I can look at it later. Careful consideration
