Peace Be Still

Peace Be Still                                                 

What an exciting day today has been! When I first woke up I just didn't feel right and wasn't able to work out…. Okay I could have but I felt like there was a cold coming on and I would spread germs everywhere or get more germs. I had a lot of fun talking with Safawn and I hope she had fun as well. Then I took a trip to Dickey's and met Shaina where we were able to have such a WONDERFUL discussion and God showed me more reasons that we first met-- I am so blessed to have met her 2 years ago!  

I was able to get home just in time to be picked up and taken to the next part of my District 11 interview where the MD was a total highlight of my day :-). Although I am generally a positive person, my first D-11 physical interview went poorly hence why I do not have the job…. Okay okay in all fairness it was not a job I should've applied for as the physical demands were completely out of my ability range but I think I am he-woman! However, the reason I did apply was to get my name out there in hopes that a job like the one currently under consideration would come along. My hopes are so high for this job it's not even funny. I promise this new medicine is amazing… I totally feel like myself!

SIDENOTE: Some people have seen me in bad moods since I have been on this new medicine however overall my moods have been a whole lot happier and back to my old self. And if you want to talk psychology, to be diagnosed with anything psychologically the symptoms must occur consistently for a certain length of time.

Additional excitement! While I was waiting for the bus to go meet Shaina I received a call and I was asked to move from a substitute in child care to a permanent position. I was totally up front with her and told her what was going on but now that I am writing this I'm letting go of anything giving it all to God because I would totally love working in the children's ministry.

*If you are the praying type, please pray that the Lord’s will is done!

            God just reminded me to be still as I thought of my friend Amy as a child singing Peace Be Still.

An Exception

An Exception

I woke up this morning with excitement. One because it was Sunday and I love going to Church but  it was a different kind of excitement. I was shaking because I would get to hear my new friend (Jim Edwards) on the radio (103.9 fm). As I started getting ready the first college class I took in 2006 at UCCS, psychology of the exceptional child with Lynn Fitzgrew popped into my head. I remember the excitement I had about starting a UCCS, and that same time the sadness I had about having to take your class that again appointment to the fact, again that since my accident I was "exceptional." At the time I was focused on myself going down that I didn't want to take the class focusing on what else may need different, I was definitely not where I am now with God and did not even think about how God could be using what I learned the class in my life.

I went through seven years of college where my educational goals ranged from getting a degree in psychology to getting my teachers license. Let me remind you that those goals, the latter one has yet to be reached. Had his eyes still sit here and ask “God, what am I doing?” As I was applying for jobs in looking at my resume I was reminded of what I had done so far (since my brain injury and moving back out here). My mom and I started a brain injury support group for young adults as the brain injury sport group that exists (Headway) seems to be for older people and although some members are so much fun and completely young-at-heart, there are different focuses in life during every different stage of life.

Now that college is over (at least for the moment) attendance at Headway has started again. Although some weeks I'm not up for pizza or salad (as served at Fargo's, where Headway meets) a few of the other members and I have been discussing how going to the meeting is not always for our personal enjoyment. At least once a month the group’s leader Debbie is there anything gives us important information about beneficial events taking place around the community. Not only can we learn great information but as the group always offers, there is a great time of socialization. Okay it sounds like I'm trying to sell something, but I just want to explain how different things in life are connecting.

This is going to be a bit disconnected but I think most of my writing (blogging) is. So here we go: when I was in college after taking the exceptional child class I took statistics and the statistics professor was musician. Somewhere in there I was urged to listen to our RXP (103.9FM) but it just wasn't my kind of music so I didn't really do it much. However I didn't go to bars downtown to listen to my professor’s band often. When I went to listen to my professor I would often end up dancing and trying to bust a move with friends and classmates. I really had not been dancing that much besides at different weddings I've been to lately and most recently my sister's wedding. I was invited to go dancing for my aunt's birthday. At the beginning of the week when I had first been told about the celebration were having I mentally made a note that I wanted to dance with somebody random. I thought, first of all I won't be my wheelchair so people won't have any hesitations. When we got there the crowd was definitely not a crowd I would think of dancing with although they sure could dance!

[SIDENOTE:] Okay I totally forgot to insert one of the connections, at Headway I met an amazing man with a spinal injury. Although I had taken many classes about the human brain that were taken during a time when I was still learning about what my brain injury was much less focusing on a different kind of injury. I had no clue about how spinal cord injuries affected a person. That day I prayed that God would give me a greater understanding of a spinal cord injury. Although his mom told me I could ask anything you wanted, I still wanted to research and find out information for myself because it's fun.

I ended up dancing with a man who has a spinal cord injury and is in a wheelchair. I also found out is a radio personality on RXP…RXP??? Oh wow!! My statistics professor... My first years at UCCS…. My first class…. Psychology of the exceptional child!!! In this class the way "exceptional" was referred to was that a child has a disability that prohibited her or him from learning in a traditional fashion. Henceforth the child was exceptional. Not only am I exceptional, but most people with a disability are exceptional!

There are we go, I was able to learn about spinal cord injuries through someone else however I will to have to talk to Ace because every injury effects each person so differently and doctors give information from what has happened in previous cases. My first neurologist put it best when telling my mom what to expect after my brain injury, “Kimi will do what she can do when she can do it.”

Just Dance

Just Dance

Keeping a prayer journal has been done off and on since sometime in high school. Primarily my Prayer Journal was used so I could reflect on how God was working through my life. However, since my brain injury my “Prayer Journal” has been more or less a journal of my daily activities serving as my memory or external hard drive.  I’ve noticed that more often recently my prayers that are answered are not the ones I’ve been mulling over and praying about for a long time, but rather the thoughts or ideas that I “nonchalantly” pass by God in an almost joking “Dear God” fashion.    

            Last night my aunts, my mom, and I went out to have a long overdue birthday celebration for one of my aunts. When I had first heard of what we were going to be doing (dancing), I decided I was going to dance with at least one “random person” or a person I had just met. The crowd at Maxi’s was definitely not a young adult crowd as it just happened to be the last night of Maxi’s being at their current location however when you get the three stooges (the 3 sista’s as they like to call themselves) there is fun to be had. The fun wasn’t so prevalent at the begining. Walking in, I saw a man in a wheelchair and instantly thought “that’s him, that’s who I am coming to dance with.” Then reality spoke up and reminded me that most people in that situation (in a wheelchair) cannot stand, walk or much less dance—what was I thinking?  Was I? Then again, I remembered that my new friend Ace had recently taught me how to dance with a partner in a wheelchair when we were at Craig Hospital. Soon enogh the man in the wheelchair approached me and mentioned my cane. Pulling up a chair I told him of my situation and asked his.  We talked for a bit then were off to dance. We danced a few times and had more time to talk. As I am writing this I remember coming home from Fargo’s, where I meet Ace, one day and I was praying to become more knowledgeable about spinal cord injuries so I could learn more about Ace.

Fortunately but unfortunately spinal cord injuries are similar to brain injuries (what I have) and most any disability in one aspect—the disability has the undeniable label it has as the result of a scientifically sometimes obviously verifiable evidence. For example, when a bone is broken sometimes you are able to actually see the displacement of the limb or area of the body injured. There are many disabilities on the other hand that are “invisible." I am going to focus on brain injuries and spinal cord injuries although many variations exist.

Ever since.I have been brain-injured, I’ve been to events where the survivors varied. Some had a stroke, others have a TBI (traumatic brain injury) and some have a spinal cord injury. From what I have studied and been told, a brain injury is similar to a stroke as in both cases, the brain is effected. I have a friend with a spinal cord injury but he also has a brain injury so I would never know what initiated or caused an action or event. You may ask why the cause matters. Actually the cause does not matter, I just like to write, research, and gain knowledge. My philosophy is this: the brain is very malleable and actions can be learned and unlearned—the brain can re-wire itself. The spinal cord.... not so much, but I am still researching and learning about spinal cord injuries as I do not have one (my spine may disagree because I race up curbs and over speed bumps when driving my wheelchair (Hot Rod)so fast that I often land and feel my spine compress. I think my Hot Rod just needs shocks.

Last night I met a man who has a spinal cord injury and no brain injury. He is a radio personality (Jim Edwards) on 103.9 FM (Sat. 12n-6pm, Sun 6am-12n). Although I haven't herd him on the radio yet, the mere job description elicits that he is a fun person. Oh that's right, spinal cord injuries. I asked Jim what the effects of his spinal cord injury are and he said that besides paralysis he lives a “normal” life. After all of the information I’ve gathered from these injuries so far, spinal cord injuries and brain injuries are similar in the aspect that they are medically diagnosed. Any further diagnosis is self-reported and will vary according to each person.
As I started jotting down yesterdays events in my Prayer Journal so I would remember to thank God for the people and events that filled the night, this writing was the result.

Kimi….the shaky one…sold knifes?!?

Kimi….the shaky one…sold knifes?!?

I had an appointment at The Independence Center and did not have high expectations as I have dealt with another government organization for the previous decade and gotten no-where. What happened is while I was at Safeway talking to my best Eddie, he told

me that he had a friend that the Independence Center and thought it would be a good idea if I met him. Whether or not this leads to a job for me or not will be determined in the future, but everything starts somewhere. Eddie's friend started out as a volunteer and now he has his own office and an awesome title. He even suggested that I co-facilitate a group of  his…. Leading the group like that is one of my many dreams.

Oh so about the shaky picture of my discrumbled, dismantled , and bent ID being held up (with a knife to it )-- That is Mr. Stuart-- who looked at my resume and hadn't made a copy of my ID. When he returned from making a copy of my ID he explained that he first image that came to his head as for the explanation of the ID being in shape that it was .  I had to take a picture of him demonstrating what I must have looked like showing cutlery using my ID. This was his explanation for the beat up ID. Sadly, I had to say that the image he was getting wasn't completely wrong. Most of the customers demonstrated it for themselves after I explained it and although this worked the majority of time, here is a photo of my presentation gone awry!

 

Needless to say, that was a very short-lived adventure (trying to sell knives).

Selected the Wrong Neurotransmitter

Selected the Wrong Neurotransmitter
I have been taking an antidepressant ever since my brain injury. I have been on a few different medicines as some of them reacted really strange my body. Since I've been out in Colorado the first medicine I was on was Celexa. Celexa is an SSRI (selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor) meaning that it stopped my brain from re-up taking a certain amount of the neurotransmitter serotonin. After I had been taking it for quite sometime and unbeknownst to me this SSRI was selecting the wrong neurotransmitter to re-uptake.
Serotonin is a neurotransmitter that is involved in the transmission of nerve impulses. Serotonin can trigger the release of substances in the blood vessels of the brain that in turn cause the pain of migraine. Serotonin is also key to mood regulation; pain perception; gastrointestinal function, including perception of hunger and satiety; and other physical functions. (http://www.medterms.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=5468).
Getting oddly angry and having strange  justifications for the anger, I managed to lose super important potential milestones in my life—A boyfriend left me and I didn’t pass a required class with an A or B to become a teacher.
 
Although I knew I wasn’t behaving like myself I refused to succumb to the scientific facts that the body will eventually become tolerant to certain types of medicine keeping the medicine from working. Often my reasoning for the anger would be because I was being put in a situation that I didn't like or subconsciously couldn't handle, however the situation was one I previously enjoyed and even would gain energy from. Depression is mainly diagnosed through self-report as the obvious outward expressions of the activity taking place internally are generally very accurate (like your nose itching signifying an upcoming sneeze or your stomach growling when you are hungry).
 
As I started writing this a sermon started playing. The sermon ended up being about forgiveness. I want to those I was mean to (especially Dr. Swaby and my classmates in her class) to please forgive me. I hope all of the teacher candidates I met have a great year!!

The nerotransmitter wasn't wrong parse, the body just became immune to the medicine.

The Story of a Heart Bag

The Story of a Heart Bag

One autumn day my step-mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I am sure that at the time I was trying to get through school so Christmas gifts were the last thing on my mind. Oddly enough I do keep ongoing lists throughout the year of random things that I need for my own good so I remember reading her that list because my apartment is packed. You know how at every holiday you receive gifts that you are not quite sure how to use although you love the idea that the person thought of you and bought you a gift? That's how a gift that my step-mom bought me was  it was a bag that folded into little pouch. I LOVED IT simply because I love little things that are really useful but I had no clue how I was going to use it .Nor did I know the many uses for the bag.

While I was still in college I kept it in its little pouch in my backpack just in case…. Just in case….. just in case…well that's a WHOLE different story. Now that I'm not in college I wasn't sure where I wanted to put the bag so I always had it-- I knew it could be useful. In many coffee shops/restaurants (okay, McAllister's is the only restaurant I know of that this is the case but I have to include it because it is a hometown restaurant) you get some sort of discount if you have your own cup….wait, what am I thinking, I just got back from Dickey's BBQ where they also do that and yes I have a Dickey’s cup and McAllister cup oh and a Starbucks cup (okay it's  Starbucks cup but they will give a discount for bringing any cup of your own). While I was in school I just happened to have a random cup in my backpack when I will go to Starbucks. However, now that I'm no longer in school and job searching/writing/reviewing every day I have so much more time to go to one of the three places I mentioned. Note that I do keep a bottle of water on me just in case I get stranded somewhere and cannot reach a discounted drink station :-/. How in the world do I carry all that stuff on my wheelchair with my front seat being my backseat being my driver seat and my trunk?

Think about the back seat and all of the odds and ends that fill your car. Maybe you are a clean car person who doesn't carry anything but your registration and legal documents necessary, well this story isn't for you. All my family has tons of stuff in her car whether it's my sister has a zillion kids only half of which are her own, my mom who has files in one section, pots in another section (she is a Potter, no she does not smoke it), my step-mom….. Well she's one of the clean ones although it does get filled with plants quite often. And my dad… where should I start…. There's a little bit of this and a little bit that, plus uniforms for the wrestlers, munchies in case we all decide to hop in the vehicles and go somewhere (even if we're just going to his mom's house), it's  always good to have a munchie.

My car is my electric wheelchair. It's my front seat, back seat, glove box, trunk, it’s everything! I have many bags (like grocery bags) but those are for groceries and get tore up enough (yes even cloth bags) with the boxes I jam into them and the fruit that I put in its own bag so it will not get ruined…. Well needless to say, most of the time I come home with an unintentionally prepared fruit salad—Bon a petite.

Oh, back to the heart bag. It was something that I got for Christmas that I

could use somehow but had been kept in a backpack. Now that I'm out of school looking for a job, I often go to random places to get a refill as I sit there and write (although more often at these times ideas are formulating and most of the writing occurs at home). That sure is a long introduction or maybe that is the point I want to get across…. There are times in life when you may "assign" objects to uses, people to activities or places, or even (Oh I am excited because I know this is something people do subconsciously) assign a scent to place and when you smell that smell it triggers a memory. The memory contains people the people were from your past….

Oh no, the bag… So I got this heart bag that I now use for my various different cups to go get refills all across town as I try to formulate stories. As I was at Dickey’s today wondering how God would show up today (it was after 3 and I had no clue what I was going to write. I turned around to pull out my Dickey’s cup. God said…you are that bag to me. Now write. I had no specific plans for the use of that bag heart but I was sure it was going to be so useful, often people (I seriously don't know who these people are that I am referring to) have their own ideas of how God will to use them and if they don’t/can’t see themselves as being used in that certain way they turn from God and do their own thing. This is coming out of God now because I was not planning this….. My cousin wanted to go on a mission trip possibly with the group, you know do an awesome mission trip with fellow believers….. Well she ended up spending a lot of her summer in not a very organized situation. She was in a different country without anyone she knew and she stayed there the amount of time she had signed up for. Not even sure there was running water. This relates the bag how? Well, I didn't see much use for the bag at first, but now it is my favorite bag to go on adventures throughout the town and gather stories with. The part it plays? The bag holds all of my refillable cups. Maybe the reason behind doing something the Holy Spirit is nudging you towards isn't obvious or has no instant gratification. Go for it, do it anyways! My cousin might not see how her service was used at all or why she went to Kenya, but in the meantime have patience. You’ve answered the call and are just waiting for a response. We may think we are answering our Call like I had pans designed for that bag, but the plans God has are far greater than what we can even fathom. 
THANKS BID!!!